I wonder about the road to heaven

  
  Sometimes I wonder is there a God?  If there is God then is there a Satan? Or is it just another one of man's imagination?  I do believe in good deed and bad deed but does doing good deed take you to heaven? Well nobody really knows what happens after one dies.  Some believe in rebirth while others believe that that was it.  So, it is unclear if there is heaven or hell other than the earth that we live in.  
    However, I think sometimes the perception of having a place to go after death soothes the inner being and makes this life livable and peaceful.  The human nature of being secure leads us in believing in a place called heaven. A beautiful place where everything is perfect.  No body ever bothers the other soul.  All live in harmony and everyday is just your day.  A living dream, a heaven!  Even the sinners confess and try to reserve a spot in this beautiful paradise.    Sometimes, it makes me think that what happens to the unborn kid?  Do they go straight to paradise?  They technically are sin free!  
    Maybe, there is a life after death!  Who know?  You are ant in one life and an elephant in another.  But interestingly even in this theory one has only seven births based on the deeds of the previous life and then one goes to heaven or hell.  So, in other words, the soul is recycled only seven times before one faces the judgement day.  
   Okay I think my thoughts are getting crazier.  So will sign off for today with the thoughts that as long as I feel happy in this present life by doing good deeds and hoping that they would take me to heaven I feel blessed. After all, I wish to reserve a spot in heaven! 
   
 

I am who I am

Like the curls of my lock

Like the tail of the dog

Like the curves of the wave

I stay as I am

Not the wind

Nor the current

Not the forces of this universe

Could change who I am

People came and went

Friends and enemies crossed my way

Hated, loved, envied, forgotten

Yet I am who I am

Nothing can change

Am true to myself

For I came to life alone 

And I will be who I am

I fear not the world

I am strong and undeterred

I leave this life alone 

As I am who I am

Simply having children does not make mothers.

Being the eldest one in the family is not easy.   I remember my elder brother took most of the blame and scolding for our naughty behavior.  He was the one who was responsible for everybody's (siblings) action even though he was a kid himself.  I was the third of the siblings and I hardly felt the burden.  I was carefree and did whatever I felt like. In other words, I was stubborn and very mischievous.  Little did I understand why my elder brother would get worried and warn me on several occasion when I was up to something.   Most of the time, my parents held him responsible for most of our actions and say,"You are the eldest and you should understand."  Well, today, when I see my daughter being the eldest I try not to blame her for any of my lil' one's actions.  However, unconsciously at times, I feel that I might be holding her responsible for my son's behavior.  Is it the parent thing?  I don't know.  I feel that sometime when the two are arguing, it easier to tell the elder one to keep quite rather than try to explain the younger one why he has to be quite. Especially when you are behind wheels and need the least distraction from the passengers.  I know it is not the right thing to do but do I have a choice?  I feel that the elder one is more matured and is capable of listening to directions than the younger one.  Today was one of those days when I lost my patience.  I was driving with my two kids arguing about God knows what.  They were loud and the elder one kept telling something to the younger one and at one time the little one got so out of control that he tried opening his seat belt.  Well did I mention that I was driving in a packed road!  Even after couple of my warnings they continued their argument. I lost my patience and directly addressed my elder one to behave herself and stop the argument at once.  There was pin drop silence.  The argument stopped and I was at peace.  It took almost half an hour to beat the traffic and come to the clear road.  After we reached home I asked my elder one what the problem was and why was she being so immature?  With tears in her eyes she replied, "He took my homework folder and was scribbling on it.  Now I have to do my homework all over again."  I felt so guilty that even now I am cursing myself.  

Simply having children does not make mothers.  ~John A. Shedd 

(Google image)

Language of a flower

Each color, each variety,
Each number, each bloom
Has something to say
About life and friendship
About death and relationship.

Purple Lilac for first love,
Pear blossoms the friendship
Welcoming is the Mayflower
Black poppy bids farewell
As witch-hazel casts a magic spell.

The Language of flower is simple
It comes from heart
All flowers have something to say
About love, hatred, pain
About revenge, grief and vain.


Olives y'all (Peace)

Power cut

Sweat trickles down my hair

And everything seems so unfair

Power cut for an hour

No water for a shower

Frustrated I sit on my chair.


(Trying out aabba format of limerick... not a limerick)

(Google image)

Morning Sky

The venetian red sky
Burning in the horizon
Welcomes fiery sun. 

(Written in haiku)

Rain

The sudden burst of the black cloud  
Surprised me on a sunny day 
Frightening was the thunder loud 
Lightening too found its way 
Startled I was, as what to say 
No umbrella, no ponche , no shed 
I just ran across to cover my head 
Directionless was my flee 
I followed where my foot lead 
Sheltering myself under a tree. 

(google image)

Fallen Angel

Flying in the sky I felt free of fear 
With eagles I soar with angels I dwell 
My mind unperturbed, conscious crystal clear  
Then I made a blunder and broke the spell 
Suddenly from heaven on earth I fell 
What have I done? As human I am born 
I suffer, I grieve, hurt I am o' dear 
Mercy Lord, save me before I am torn 
Openly I will confess to you God. 
Because in you I seek refuge, Lord.

 (Experimenting Dizain -10 syllables/10 lines in ababbcacdd format not in iambic pentameter..)

(google image)

My son's Top 10 Excuses for not going to school on a Monday morning

10.  Remember last Saturday I fell down when I was playing soccer and got hurt on my knee. So, my knee is hurting and I don't want to go to school today.

9.  The fish will die of hunger if I go to school.  So, I want to stay home and take care of the fish.

8.  It rained and all the rollie pollies will be homeless.  I have to stay home and take care of the rollie pollies in my garden.

7.  Yesterday evening I had hiccups and it didn't go away even after drinking water.  I will have hiccups today too and will feel sick. So email my teacher that I cannot come to school today.

6.  Remember how I watched too much TV the day before.  So, today my head is hurting and you have to take me to the eye doctor to get me glasses like most of my friends.

5.  Mommy, do you see the big yellow bird in the TV?  I cannot see that.  You have to take me to the doctor today so I have to miss my school.

4.  It rained yesterday and the soil will be wet.  And my classroom will be flooded!  I cannot go to school today.

3.  I cannot finish my breakfast because I have to chew, and it will take a long time, and I will be late. So, today I cannot go to school.

2.  I have to stay home and plan for my birthday party.  

1.  I love you mom!  I want to stay with you!  I don't want to go to school today.

(By the way, when he reaches his school he runs to his class teacher and gives her a big hug and he doesn't want me to stay even for the assembly!)

(google image)

GOD

He is here 
He is there 
He is everywhere. 

He carries you 
He pushes you 
He is everywhere. 

He holds you 
He consoles you 
He is everywhere. 

He thinks of you 
He loves you 
He is everywhere. 

He is omnipresent 
He is ubiquitous 
He is everywhere. 

I trust him 
I have faith in him 
But where is he today? 

Gusty Wind

Pushes my hair back 
Forces my eyelids to close 
The wild gusty wind. 

Fluttering my dress
Loosing my stability
Flirts the fiery wind.

Tempestuous storm
Whirling debris  on my face
Wrecking harmony.

Life turbulent wind
Taunting my perseverance
Belief shows me hope.


(google image)
(Practicing more haiku)

Headache

Thumping sound in ear
Rhythmic yet filled with pain
Unbearable head ache.

Pounding striking hit
By a heavy blunt object
It feels miserable.

Thump thump thud each sound
Agonizing torturous
Testing endurance.

Disturbing my peace
Excruciating discomfort
Irritation seeps.

Sleep deprived body
Tormented by wild nightmare
Tearing my head apart.

Physical suffering
Violent unpleasant feeling
Praying for release.

(proves I have a head over my shoulder!)
(google image)

Squirrel

    
     Today as I was driving back home I saw a squirrel in the middle of the road.  Not like the one that we all recall from the ad where one squirrel challenges the other to cross the road and the other dares to cross the road in front of the speeding car, and safely crosses the road, and high fives the squirrel as if teasing the driver.  It might have been the same situation , only this time, he didn't manage to make it to the other side.  It lay still in the middle of the road upside down with it bushy tail laying flat showing the red intestine as it popped out of its stomach.   I wanted to stop my van and carry the poor thing to the sidewalk.  But I just couldn't bring myself to press the break.  Before I could think of anything, I crossed the dead squirrel making sure that the wheels of my van didn't go over it. It was just a glance but was enough to upset me and question the whole concept of life and death.  
   Suddenly, I remembered the squirrel of my backyard.  I drove fast to my house, I parked my van in the driveway in a hurry.  Took my keys and rushed to the door.  Unlocking it I went straight to my backyard.  There was no squirrel.  I looked at the gigantic oak tree.  I started scanning each branch, under the leaves...  Nothing.  Now my heart started racing.  It was the same squirrel I was complaining about the whole last summer.  I would put seeds for the birds in the feeder and this sneaky squirrel would wait for me to go inside and would slowly reach for the feeder and finish the seeds.  Not only that, it would pluck my tender vegetable and scurry to the top of the tree.  It ate all my tomatoes, eggplant flower and even capsicum!  Except bitter gourd he liked every thing from the already drought stricken vegetable garden.  It looked really healthy and in fact it started looking like a ground hog.  It would climb down the oak and go to my tomato plant, hold the tender branch with small green tomato bunch and pull it down.  To be honest, it looked quite cute balancing on his two feet with his fluffy tail curled up as it plucked the tender green tomatoes and then rush back up to the tall tree.  I caught this brat red handed a lot of times but then he was agile and by the time I ran out it would be in it's safe ground.  Anyways, that was last summer.  I had already forgiven him, and in winter I made sure that I put out bird seeds for this naughty squirrel.
    Now the situation was different. I wanted to check on him and I couldn't find him.  I was getting more and more worried .  Looking for the squirrel,  I started walking towards the tree.  I bend to my side to get a clear view from where I stood. No movement.   I started panicking.  "Squirrel" "Hello" "Are you there?" I started whispering slowly as I didn't want to scare the squirrel. As fear started seeping in, I started circling around the trunk of the big oak carefully looking and making sure that I didn't miss any place under the leaves. I started feeling a certain overpowering fright inside of me.  "Where did the squirrel go?" "Maybe it was the same squirrel that I saw on the road earlier." "Maybe he died."  I was getting disappointed and was feeling as if the whole world has ended.  My hopes were diminishing and I started feeling gloomy and frustrated.  I slowly started walking back to the door thinking that  every living thing has to die.  One cannot escape from his or her fate.  The ultimate goal of every soul is to be free from its bodily form.  I reached my backyard door and with a heavy heart looked back at the big oak tree.  And voila! I couldn't believe what I saw! I was relieved and so happy that a big smile crossed my face. I saw my squirrel running from my vegetable garden and climbing up the tree!  I never thought I would be this happy to see the squirrel stealing vegetables from my garden!  

(google image)

Fate of a flower

The innocent swelling,
Turning to a bud.
Clinging to each other,
Tender and young petals.
As time pass by,
More confident it becomes.

It strives to be free..
Yet, holds on to the root.
It opens up slowly...
One after the other
The petals tastes liberty.

Gaining confidence,
The seconds follow,
In succession another,
Until all the petals are free.

 It breaths the air,
 And feels the kiss of the sun,
Carelessly it flaunts it beauty.

Not knowing its fate
Cut before its golden prime.

For festivity, for love, for funeral, for life.



(Photo taken by Rajya Lakshmi)

(Trying poetry in 6,5,4,3,2,1 line form)

Who to vote?

     After last week's Republican Convention, I was sure I would vote for Mitt Romney for President.  Today's economic times needs a businessman.  America needs a person who would lead the nation to a debt free nation again.  "He is a businessman who has a vision to take this nation forward", I thought.  Then, yesterday, when I was watching the Democratic convention, I happened to listen to Michelle Obama's speech.  I was in tears as she narrated her father's and Obama's grandmother's struggle to bring them up and make them the person they are today.  She subtly but certainly achieved the political motive of persuading people of America to vote for Obama for the next four years.  Well, I cannot say for all but she did influence me.  If a not-so-good President like Bush got re-elected, I think Obama does deserve a second term.  In this four years in white house, the first lady has been a role model for many young Americans.  She could be seen talking about making healthy choices, making the kids aware of eating nutritious food, turning a portion of white house garden into organic farming place where local school kids could go and volunteer and see how to grow fresh vegetables in the garden.  She was basically everywhere to promote healthy living.  Furthermore, I think that Obama is not as bad as Bush!  The debt is because of the Republicans in the first place.  And Obama was trying his best to get few bills passed.

        To conclude, I am confused!  I have no clue how people choose between the two parties who are equally bad...

Wilderness

Away from the society,

Away from concrete buildings,

Searching for true self,

Living free in wilderness.

Dodging the mundane work,

Escaping from the build up stress,

Avoiding silly confrontation,

Absconding in the wilderness.

Building a house of logs,

With river as running water,

With candle as electricity,

Retiring free in wilderness.

Reflecting on every aspect of life,

Reflecting on every deed of self,

Isolating from where you belong,

You search for your inner self.

Deep within you are content,

Deep within you are gratified,

Appeased at your independence,

Enjoying life free in wilderness.

Left brain vs Right brain

      

     I was always confused which side of my brain was more developed.  The right or the left!!   I am okay in logical thinking and reasoning and most of the time I have a very practical approach to every problem in my life.  Though I am horrible in making or taking a decision, but if I decide on something, I stick to it and believe that it is the best thing to do.   Being a practical person, I had very hard time to digest the fact when people told me that I was creative.  How can a person be practical and creative at the same time?  Although I am attracted to art, and beautiful things soothes my eyes but who doesn't like beautiful things? I feel that I see the usefulness of a product before I indulge myself.  So, I always believed I am more of a left brained.  On the other hand, maybe, my friends and family knew me better!   I did try my hands on different things but that was during my free time...like SUPW(Some Useful Period Wasted) class in school.  I don't even remember the original full form.  So, I did feel an artist inside me but it was more out of boredom or weight watcher routine than interest in perfection of the form.  With no doubt in my mind that my left brain would dominate my right  I went ahead and took the creativity test.  I answered 20 questions all.  Few were like, Do you like doings things in planned and systematic way?  Do you enjoy math? Do you like Rock music? and so on...After I finished answering the last question, there was a "Submit" button that I had to click.  Well, do I have to do this crazy thing? I thought.  Don't I already know that my left brain is more dominant?  Why am I wasting my time?  Thinking of all sorts of things, I clicked "Submit".  Whaooo...I freaked out.  So, here is the result of my test...
     The higher of these two numbers below indicates which side of your brain has dominance in your life. Realising your right brain/left brain tendancy will help you interact with and to understand others.

Left Brain Dominance:	(7)
Right Brain Dominance:	(13)

 Still in shock!! 

(Google image)

X - Men

    

      As I was watching X - Men, I started to wonder, what if the mutants are there among us. Few homo sapiens do posses powers that is beyond human understanding. At least some people claim to have an ability to perceive information hidden from the normal senses like Psychics. So, what if there are people who do have special ability and are unaware of their powers? If a human with psychic ability can talk to the spirits and see them, why not possess super powers? As it is, all humans are born with different gifts and talents. One can be really good in math, while the other may struggle to just grasp the basics of math. The mental ability, physical endurance, social capability varies from child to child. Each human being is unique. So, why is it hard to believe that there might be mutants among us. Some where there could be a Professor X, a Nightcrawler, a Wolverine, a Colossus or a Storm! 

       On the other hand, I wonder, if some of us do believe that there are mutants among us, are they secretly trying to wipe the homo sapiens? With the rapid growth in technology in recent years, I sometimes suspect, are the mutants using the humans to create the world that they want to live in? How come all the inventions and discoveries are taking place in just a century and that too so rapidly? I have many more questions in my head that sounds crazy today but might be relevant if mutants are there among us.

      Anyways, hoping and praying that homo sapiens prevail I end my ridiculous thought process here.

Cheers!

( Google image picture)

A better understanding of self

I was just wondering that do people change in years?  Well, I am not excluding myself. In fact I am just talking about myself.    When I think logically, I feel that everybody should realize that the time that is past is a passed time.  And that it is  the time that you have already lived.   If you hold on to yesterday then when will you live today?  As it is, life is too short, one shouldn't waste their present moment to relive the days that is already lived!   So, if you feel that I changed in the course of time then it means I am doing something right!  I am living today and not hanging on to my past.
   However, my mind and my heart are always conflicting.  My heart is full of memories (though it should be the job of the brain to store them).  I hold on to the past as much as my brain (memory) allows.  My heart refuses to give up my memories of school, colleges, or the places that my dad got transferred to.  I like to remember the time I spent with my family, my brothers, my friends, my neighbors, and of course the time I spent with my mommy dearest.   Anyways, like many, I remember my good days and my bad days.  I still value my friends and love them dearly for being my friends and being there for me when I needed them.  I still love my brothers for pampering me and being protective about me and always, always, always being there. (I still remember how they searched the whole city and state for a particular sweet as my heart desired to eat that sweet only!).  I still love my family for making me the person I am.  I still remember the day when I met my husband and when I promised to spend my whole life with him. I remember the day when I held my daughter in my arms for the first time.  I still remember my mom helping me out take care of my lil' boy.  Yes, I am betraying my mind and living in the past glory once in a while.  
   Now, am I clinging too much to my past?  Being a curious person, I have many questions in my mind. Does that mean that I stopped living my present?  Does that mean that I am not the same person as I was 10 years back?  Did my personality change?  Did my outlook change?  Have I changed?  I am still trying to understand myself ...


We continue to shape our personality all our life. If we knew ourselves perfectly, we should die.
- Albert Camus

Traffic Light

    Today, I was taking my kids to one of their after school activities.  I wanted to be on time for the class.  I started on time, made sure that all the doors and windows were closed, the kids had their proper dress, shoes, water bottle, snack and were out of the front door.  I switched on the alarm and locked the door behind me.   I made them rush to the van.  As I was buckling up my lil' one in his car seat,  my daughter suddenly remembered that she had forgotten something and had to go inside to get it.  Irritated yet maintaining my calm, I gave her the keys to the house.  She took some time to come back.  Then I rushed back in again and made sure everything was set again and locked the door.    So, by now I was running late for the class.  I sat behind wheels and zoomed it out of the driveway and onto the road.  After couple of minutes, I hit the first traffic light.  A red traffic light!!  I waited patiently for it to turn green.  As soon as the color changed, I pressed the accelerator as quickly as possible.  Drove fast for couple of minutes and I could see another traffic light approaching and it was "RED"!  Murmuring the words "green", "green", "green" I drive towards the traffic light.  And as if God heard my prayers, magically it turned green.  I rushed past that light.  One more light before I hit the highway I thought to myself.  As I was nearing that light I felt happy that it was green too..Uh Oh..did I say that aloud...it was green that just turned yellow.  Okay does yellow means "slow down" or "speed up"?  In a split of a second I told myself, "No time, speed up!"  and I pressed the accelerator a bit harder and as I was crossing the yellow light, in the mid way, it turned red.  Cursing myself for a bad call, I looked up to check if there were any traffic cameras.  No camera. Phew!  The very next second, I see a cop's car in my rear view mirror!  "Oh NO...GOD, LORD, ALMIGHTY"  I started praying to God with all my heart.  I slowed down a bit trying to act as if nothing happened and that I was not at fault.  The car came closer to my van and then parallel to my van.   I didn't have the courage even to turn my head and see if he was telling me to stop.  I drove calmly and slowly as my left turn to the ramp and to the highway was approaching.  I took a quick peek to my right pretending to look at the traffic before entering the ramp.  To my relief, the cop's car drove right past me and went straight as I took the left turn.  I inhaled... felt the fresh air down my nostrils and through the wind pine reaching my lungs. It was calming.  Couple of more deep breath finally soothed my nerves.
  Well, the kids were  late to their classes but boy was I glad that I narrowly escaped a ticket!!

Heart

`
                Bounded by                                       Human bonds 
         A stranger, friend ,                              Family, loved one,
      Peers, an acquaintance,                      Relatives, companion,
     Buddy, playmate, comrade,             Cousin, uncle, soul mate,
      An associate, classmate, ally,      Mate, partner,  roommates,
       Bosom-buddy, comrade, consort, playmate, sidekick, pal,
        Colleague, consort, fellow mate, neighbor, school mate,
           A well wisher, a familiar face, a contact, a confidant,
              The binding, the connection, creates the bonding,
                 That touch the hearts, the souls, and bodies.
                    Feeling of belonging inside each  mind,
                        Pain, agony and torment is shared,
                            Affection, emotion, fondness,
                                All matters in the pact,
                                     Social bonding's,
                                           Builds the 
                                               Heart
                                                   !

                             
                                             
                                               

                           
(Google image)

Boys are Boys

     
   As my son came back from his second day of school today, I was curious to know if he liked his new friends, new teacher and what happened during the day. He ignored me all the way home and when he stepped inside the house he opened his shoes, flung it right across the room.  Silently, walked up to the living room, grabbed the remote and switched it on.  I decided not to ask more questions.  I opened his school backpack to take out his lunch box, water bottle and the homework folder that also has a behavior sheet (the teacher marks green if the kid was good the whole day or red if the kid refuses to listen to the teacher).   I opened his lunch box.  Everything was intact.  Just the way I had packed. There was his untouched sandwich,  veggies still half filled in a small container, unpeeled banana.  The only thing that was missing was the chocolate chip cookies.  As I sighed, I asked my lil' one, "do you want to eat something ?"  There was no response.  His eyes were glued to the television set and was just lost in his fantasy world with the cartoons.  I checked his water bottle.  The water was still till the brim.  I questioned again," why didn't you drink water?" This time, he turned his head away from the television and looked at me and answered, "I drank the water from the fountain."  Now that I had his attention, I questioned, "Why didn't you eat your lunch?"  his focus return to the cartoon.  No answer.   He was clearly testing my patience.  Trying to maintain my calm I open his folder and there was no homework.  Then I take out the behavior sheet.  Tuesday's behavior pyramid looked colorful with a red butterfly stamp!  I asked my boy, what happened in class today?  Did you trouble the teacher? Didn't you listen to the teacher?  Calmly, he looked at me and said, Well, don't you see, I wanted the butterfly stamp.  I like red butterfly more than the green smiley face! His stare went back to the TV.  My brain froze and I was left speechless.  Believe me boys are boys...Sigh...sigh...sigh...

(image from google )

Weed

Wandering in the wild weary world 

Wishfully wonders the wild seed

Wobbling, walloping, 

Whispers to the sun...

When do I stop the walk?

Where do I stay and breed?

Weary it stops under a walnut tree

Withstanding the wild wind

Water reaches its roots

Withering in the weather...

Weaves, waltz and wraps around

Wanting to be the weed.  

(photo from google image)

Art of draping a sari

Sari, an Indian traditional wear, if you are not familiar with it, you might mistake it for some fancy curtains.  Though it looks like a long rectangular piece of cloth, it is the most elegant wear known to mankind (according to me).  Well, as far as I am concerned,  it is a challenge to drape it around myself and feel totally comfortable and at ease.   Being an Indian and having seen my mom wear it everyday, I feel guilty that I don't possess the art of draping saris.   And yes, it is an art!  Not everyone can drape the sari and look good.  I try to polish my skills now and then.  I get excited, worried, tensed on the day I have to wear a sari.  The process starts a couple of days earlier.  I select the sari from my sari bank.  Trust me whenever I go to  India, especially the southern part of India, I get a sari as a gift! My husband's relatives are truly generous.  Bless their hearts.   So, first I select the sari.  Then comes my worst nightmare.  I have to hunt for the matching blouse that still fits me.  I still remember how my mom was behind the tailor to stitch the blouse right.  She would give the blouse to the tailor for stitching and then try it on and complain about the neck, the arms, the length, etc. etc.  The tailor would alter but again the same story...I felt that  no living person could stitch a perfect blouse for my mom.  I couldn't understand why she would fuss over a blouse.  After all, the whole body is covered in sari.   Over the years I have learnt the hard way that a nice, fitting and matching blouse makes a whole lot of difference. Next comes the underskirt.  That needs to be a match too!!  So, I make sure I have everything ready for the day to wear the "sari".  Now you must be thinking that the hard part is over and now only draping is left.  How I wish!  Draping a sari is a skill, art, craft and needs practice like any other art form. There are many ways to drape a sari.  Normal style with pleats in the front and about a yard of cloth left to hang back over your left shoulder.  Gujarati style where yard length of cloth  hangs on your right shoulder so that the design comes in the front . Coorgi style, Bengali style, Andhra style, Bollywood style and on and on goes the list of styles of how you can drape a sari.  And once I decide which style to drape, I have to figure out which is the border, which is the front side of the sari (one time I wore the sari and discovered that it was the wrong side as the fall of the sari was facing up :( ...  ), which end to start draping.  Then the most difficult part comes when you actually drape the cloth around you.  The pleats need to fall in place, each and every crease in the sari should be perfect and pinned so that it doesn't fall off.  Make sure the other end of the sari hangs to the desired length  and the border is displayed .  Eventually, after an hour or so when it's draped, I look in the mirror and see that the pleats didn't layer up correctly.  Disappointed in myself, I call my hubby and my daughter for rescue.  They try their best to satisfy my need to make the pleats layered.  As they try their best, my instructions increases. "Not that one, this one!"  "At the bottom."  "Little bit up."  Frustrated with my instructions, they give up and declare it looks good and we should go now or else we will be late.   Finally, I drape myself in a sari, trying to feel comfortable, elegant and lady like and step out of the house only to find a friend in the party who would very kindly, and fondly take me to an empty room and adjust the sari all over again...

(Image from google images)

RIP Neil

 Just this summer I had taken my lil' one to NASA in Houston and had explained him how the scientists build the rocket and how humans have advanced themselves to live in the space, and how the astronauts ate, slept and even peed in space. We talked about "Neil" (Armstrong was too big a word for him to pronounce) and his walk on moon.  "Did he sit in the rocket just like I sit in the car and go to the moon?"  Hmm..I thought for a while and said. "Kind of."  His little mind couldn't comprehend all the information but he sure did enjoy his trip to NASA where he got to see the real rocket and learn about astronauts.  Today, as NASA announced the death of this 82 year old astronaut, Neil Armstrong, I couldn't believe it.  The man who at one time walked on the moon is no longer walking with us on the earth!  This man who was able to touch the moon, would now reside among the stars...far, far away.   

       I pray that his soul rests in peace.  He will always be in our mind and will not be forgotten.  
    

My thoughts and my views

     Today it's been a week since I started writing this blog.  Being the person I am, I feel very intimidating  at times just to think that other people are going to read this.  But boy, I am proud that I wrote for a week now and most importantly, I was able to share it with people that I don't know.  Usually I blabber my thoughts on junk paper and by the end of the week, when I clean the house, I throw it in trash.  I felt good to express my views on a sheet that nobody would read. I would write just about anything that came up to my mind.  It was simple and easy.  No body to judge you or your writing ability.  Be it a sentence structure or grammar, or the topic itself.  I wouldn't go over it a second time.  I just felt like expressing myself and I took the help of words that could relieve me from the burden of holding the thoughts inside of my tiny little brain.  Somehow, I found peace within myself.  As I love to read, it is but natural to rise different questions in mind like, what is going on in the world?  Why are people so different?  Why this war?  Who will be the next President?  Is there any way to spread love and peace in the world?  Why do people fight among themselves? Will the world end in 2012 ? If the world ends in 2012, what will happen to the Mars Exploration Rover?  Will Mars be effected?  And the questions of my curiosity goes on and on and on and on...Curiosity that would effect my inner equilibrium.   Writing was a perfect outlet for my naive thoughts.  But then there is a saying that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.  My limited knowledge made me wonder more about things that were very obvious for others.   Somehow, I felt people would judge me and laugh at my back for being so ignorant and naive.  I felt less embarrassed to write it down in junk paper. I wrote just for me. Not even once did it occur to me that I should write for others to read.  I was too scared.  However, in contrast to my fear, my hubby has been asking me to start a blog from time immemorial.  As a normal wife, I think he is biased.  He is blinded in my love (hehehe at least that's what I think).  Anyways,  it took a lot of courage and lots and lots of my hubby's pushing to start a blog.  So, here it is...another of my scribbling...:)

It's about time

Clock is ticking
Stopping for none
Every thought, deed, action
Is recorded.

As each passing moment
slips in the ocean of life
It ticks me off
And I sit and think.

Hold, grip, grasp the time
I am in a happy place
Family, friends,
Let me be.

But, I, the being, born on time..
Struggled time after time
And in time I will know
Living is not lost time.

And I wait for the day..
When it will be about time...

Phone

  

    Today the shrill ring of the phone woke me up.  Half asleep I took a peek at the clock.  It was 5.30 a.m.  My heart skipped a beat.  Is everything fine back at home?  My mind started racing worried with all the worst possible things that could have happened.  People don't call at this hour until and unless it is important.  What happened?  It might have been just a couple of seconds but I could picture all my near and dear ones  in my head.  I start blabbering prayers to God.  "God please!  Let it not be a shattering  news" 

   I still remember, just like yesterday, when I got a call from my brother saying that my mom was admitted in the hospital.  I was shocked as I had talked to her just the day before!  Not even in my dreams did I think that that was the last time I was hearing her voice.   Being half way across the world I felt helpless, feeble, vulnerable that I couldn't rush back home...run to my mothers' open arm.  All my insecurities came back to me in a splash of a second.  

    I started doubting our decision to leave our country in the first place.  My husband and I thought we would stay for couple of years and go back to our roots.  What if something happened and I couldn't go immediately?  I could feel my knees getting weak.  I tried to sit up on my bed but couldn't even move an inch.  I forced my hands to reach the phone.

   My hands started shaking, I was terrified to even answer the phone.  Sree Rama Rameti.....and I couldn't even remember the next word of the prayer that I go over in my head everyday at least a couple of dozens of time.  I let it ring for couple of more times trying to remember the next word. Frustrated at myself I lift the phone.  "Hello." 

(photo courtesy google image)